A relationship counsellor has lifted the lid on the 15 ‘wholesome’ traits couples have that help them stand the test of time.
Comfort Omovre (@Peonixblvck) from Calgary, Alberta, is a counsellor, coach, social media content creator and author of When Love Visits.
While she is herself ‘blissfully’ married, the Canadian woman is passionate about helping others to make positive waves in their career as well as nurture healthier relationships through her online community, Phoenix Blvck Enterprise, and her debut novel as well as several other e-books.
With 15 years under her belt as a relationship counsellor, it’s fair to say Comfort has seen it all.
Now, the expert has revealed what she considers the most ‘wholesome’ traits among successful couples to her 56,000 Twitter followers – and there’s quite a lot, so let’s get into it.
‘Thank you’
Snarky, snappy and sarcastic ‘thank yous’ aren’t going to help you build the foundations for a long-lasting love story, the counsellor says, as her first tip for couples in a rut is to give ‘resounding, frequent and genuine appreciation’.
Comfort said: “Successful couples are loud about how much they appreciate each other, express their gratitude frequently over the big and especially little things, and they always mean it when they say, ‘thank you’.”
Reassuring affection
Physical affection is a must in any romantic relationship, and not just intimacy in the bedroom.
The counsellor says forehead kisses, multiple hugs a day, holding hands, cuddling, beard or hair stroking all play a part with most successful couples even unaware that they’re doing it.
“[S]uccessful couples are always reassuring one another of their affections through wholesome, non-sexual physical contact,” she added.
Admiration
Successful couples ‘have a healthy dose of profound respect and admiration for each other’, Comfort says, as they ‘see one another as people who are worthy of regard and honor and they act accordingly, only bringing praise and pride to their partners’.
Boundaries
Real, healthy boundaries are ‘about preserving one another’s individuality’ as opposed to voids of separation.
The counsellor said couples prosper when they ‘set and communicate boundaries – both internal and external’ and honor them, too.
“They understand that boundaries can be a tool for fostering relationship health,” Comfort added.
Fighting clean
Yes, arguments are a normal part of relationships – but how they’re delivered could be hampering you and your partner’s chance at success.
Fighting dirty, airing dirty laundry or using words that ‘strike’ your loved one where it hurts most is just going to cause damage that could be irreparable.
Comfort says couples who have ‘mastered the art of healthy conflict resolution’ become successful as each misunderstanding actually ‘brings them closer together’.
Individual autonomy
Similarly to the boundaries point, the counsellor says its important for couples to recognize each other’s autonomy, which means seeing them as full people in their own right and not as ‘property they own’.
Talk and listen
If you have ever accused your significant other of ‘not listening’ to you or you’ve resorted to passive-aggressiveness or even the ‘plain ol’ silent treatment’, perhaps it’s time the pair of you practice communicating properly.
Comfort said successful couples ‘talk to and with each other – not at each other’ and ‘listen actively’ in a safe space to address both the mundane and the nitty gritty matters.
Being best buds
Your partner should be on par with your bestie, as the counsellor says couples ought to ‘genuinely like each other’ as buddies first.
Successful couples would ‘most probably still be friends,’ even if they weren’t in love, Comfort added.
Keep the flame alive
Date nights, trips away, thoughtful gestures and gifts are just as important in the long-run as when you first start dating.
Comfort wrote: “The flame of romance is one that never goes out. It may dim from time to time, but [successful couples] always get it dazzling once more.”
Accountability
Another common trait is accountability and consideration, Comfort writes, as couples doing well ‘act in ways that’d only attract respect and love’ and are ‘very careful with each other’s feelings’.
Spicy sex life
Comfort revealed successful couples have the hots for one another to the point they’re constantly looking at ways to ‘spice things up’ in the bedroom and outside.
She explains: “They review occasionally and honestly, set dates, plan events around getting down, and constantly try to get better at pleasing one another.”
Compromise
As we’ve already touched upon, disagreements are normal.
But Comfort says couples tend to at least agree on what truly matters, so settling for a healthy compromise is the best outcome.
‘Sorry’
Sorry seems to be the hardest word, but it shouldn’t be.
According to the counsellor, couples in it for the long haul don’t ‘sweep things under the carpet’ or let their ego stand in the way of a genuine apology.
She says good partners ‘properly communicate their remorse, and when they promise to do better, they actually make efforts to’.
Forgiveness
Let go of the grudges as this will only lead to resentment, Comfort says, and be honest about your ‘processing journey’ when you’ve been hurt.
Once you’ve forgiven, it’s time to forget too as the counsellor says successful couples don’t bring up past issues once they’re resolved.
However, she said not all behavior is deserving of forgiveness, such as ‘unrepentant cheating and abuse’.
Mutual yielding
Last but not least, Comfort says successful couples ‘yield to each other’.
What this means, she continues, is that there isn’t just one person in the partnership who is always getting their way or having to compromise.
“It goes both ways,” she adds.
The certified counsellor summarized a successful relationship doesn’t just boil down to longevity but the ‘substance’ in the years.
