Soon-to-be parents, new parents and existing parents, listen up: there are 10 important reasons you need to regularly compliment and praise your child.
It’s bloody difficult being a parent – no one’s going to deny that – and there’s no perfect way to do it.
We’re all going to make mistakes, but it’s important to try and learn from the generations before you and interrupt the toxic cycle if you want to try and ensure your kid is the happiest and most stable version of themselves they can be.
And multiple psychologists have weighed in on why something as small as regular compliments to your child can make all the difference later down the line.
Low self-esteem
If a kid hasn’t been given recognition when they do good or support and encouragement during their younger years, this can lead to dents in their confidence and self-esteem.
Psychologist and media advisor for Hope for Depression Research Foundation., Dr Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, told Yahoo!Life adults who didn’t receive many compliments in their youth could end up struggling with their ‘self-worth’.
“They may feel they are not good enough or capable of success and can internalize the absence of praise as a sign that they lack value,” she said.
Adults can grow up to have low self-esteem if not complimented enough as a child (Getty Stock Images/ Catherine Falls Commercial)
Social anxiety or isolation
A lack of compliments and encouragement can also result in an adult not knowing how to navigate that type of conversation, and when they then try to compliment someone, it may come across as ‘awkward’ or inauthentic, Thriveworks psychologist Dr Connally Barry adds.
In turn, others may not naturally warm to that person, and subsequently, they may struggle to form connections with others or maintain friendships.
Not only could this lead to them feeling anxious about interactions, which could mean they end up isolated, but in severe cases, it could impact their ability to fulfil their role in certain jobs, i.e. not being personable enough for a role in customer services.
They may not end up being very good at giving out compliments themselves and come across as awkward (Getty Stock Images/ Flashpop)
Feeling pessimistic
If a child has only ever had their flaws or failures pointed out without the balance of the positives or wins, this could result in them going into adulthood with a pretty pessimistic outlook on life.
DatingAdvice expert Dr Wendy Walsh explains: “True pessimism is partly genetic, but that gene must be activated by the environment.”
Lack of motivation
Without some sort of recognition or praise for hard work, we all have to admit, there comes a stage where you end up questioning what the point is anymore.
This can transfer into adulthood if you didn’t receive enough compliments as a child.
Dr Barry says kids who didn’t receive compliments can often find it ‘difficult to muster enthusiasm and effort because they have an inherent belief that it will not be rewarded’.
However, this can also flip the other way.
They may lack motivation (Getty Stock Images/ Maskot)
Need for external validation
Sometimes, instead of kids who haven’t received enough compliments in childhood lacking motivation to even try to seek praise in adulthood, they can actually end up too eager to please, chasing what they lacked growing up.
But this doesn’t mean they’re always good at accepting the praise.
Not being able to accept compliments
If a child grows up without receiving many compliments, this can not only lead them to chase compliments later in life, but can also result in them finding it hard to accept them – not thinking they deserve the praise.
And this can go even further, with people finding it difficult to recognize their own achievements and give themselves praise.
My face when someone compliments me (Getty Stock Images/ Daniel Lozano Gonzalez)
Finding it hard to recognize and celebrate accomplishments
Dr Lira de la Rosa reveals: “Without having been praised as children, some adults struggle to celebrate their own accomplishments.
“They may downplay successes or feel guilty about acknowledging them, as they are unfamiliar with receiving recognition.”
And this can be as a result of setting extremely high standards for themselves too.
Perfectionism
Not receiving compliments in childhood can make some adults grow up to believe they have to go above and beyond to even be in with any sort of chance of gaining some sort of recognition.
However, this is a dangerous game to play, as can lead to overthinking, anxiety and burnout.
An extreme example, but you get what we mean (Getty Stock Images/ Hill Street Studios)
Being overly sensitive
You can end up being ‘highly sensitive’ to feedback as an adult, taking comments as an attack despite them being fair or constructive.
This can also lead to difficulties in the workplace and difficulties in friendships and romantic relationships.
Struggling to maintain healthy, balanced relationships
Whether it’s friendships or romance, those who weren’t complimented often as a child can end up accepting less than they deserve, struggling to maintain healthy boundaries as well as being defensive to any criticism – traits which don’t help when trying to have a good relationship with someone.
Dr Walsh explains: “Deep down, people who were not adored by their parents as children can’t conceive that an adult romantic partner can adore them. Love isn’t about finding happiness. Love is about finding the familiar. They may choose someone who treated them like their parents did.”
Charity Words Matter raises important awareness of the impact of verbal behavior from adults and how abuse of this kind can actually be ‘as damaging’ as sexual or physical abuse. The organization offers advice and support on its website.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 to reach a 24-hour crisis center or you can webchat at 988lifeline.org. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.
