An expert has shared 10 ways you can tell if your partner is ‘micro-cheating’, and how you might have completely missed it.
Psychotherapist Deborah Krevalin describes micro-cheating as ‘a little bit more under the radar and subtle’ than regular cheating, though your partner may not have been unfaithful in the physical sense, they may be betraying your trust in smaller ways.
The new dating ‘trend’ is something to keep an eye on, and now, a relationship expert has weighed in on how to catch someone in the act.
Hiding their phone can be a tell-tale sign of micro-cheating (Getty Stock Image)
Marriage and Manifestation Coach Beth Miller outlined that micro-cheating comes down to intent, emotional focus, secrecy and the feeling of guilt, before diving into 10 examples you may want to be aware of.
Secrecy around their phone
If your partner guards their phone or deletes messages on social media without hesitation, it could be a sign of them doing something much worse.
The experts notes that this is particularly worrying if their behaviour suddenly changes and they become more particular around their device, turning it away when you’re there, or putting it face down when you come into the room.
Miller adds: “If [they] change [their] passwords without a valid reason and doesn’t share them with you, it could point to secretive behavior.”
Calling flirting with others ‘harmless’
If your partner continuously has flirtatious interactions with other people while playing down its seriousness, according to the expert, they could end up undermining the trust you have built up together.
A dismissive attitude when you bring it up, a lack of awareness or a spike in flirty behaviour could also highlight micro-cheating.
Frequent private chats with others
To be more specific, this refers to emotional or deeper conversations with people where boundaries are tested and can ultimately lead to issues in the relationship.
If your other half is constantly talking to others about private subjects, and they seem evasive when you bring it up, the Marriage and Manifestation Coach says they may be betraying your trust.
Not being transparent about who they’re speaking to can cause issues (Getty Stock Image)
Liking inappropriate posts online
If you frequently catching your beau liking or commenting on inappropriate social media posts, it can violate the boundaries you have.
Again, if they try to play it off or continue to do so in secret after you bring it up, Miller says it could cause long-term problems for your relationship.
Downplaying connections with others
Insisting that they’re ‘just friends’ with that person can be a red flag, and if you can see that they’re emotionally invested in someone else, it could set an unhealthy precedent for your relationship.
According to the expert, it could mean that they are looking for emotional fulfilment outside of the relationship – you can scope this out if they often talk about the person, or turn to them for emotional support instead of you.
Prioritising others
If your partner is too focused on validation that they get from others instead of from you, it could end up in feelings of neglect.
When they become a bit too eager when talking about interactions with other people and not prioritising your needs and feelings in social situations, it may not be a good sign.
Secretive social media use
Miller says spending a lot of time on social media than normal, when its unexplained or in secret, could be a sign of micro-cheating.
Unexplained absences and excessive time on their phone or even using dating-like apps can also be a huge red flag.
A lack of communication could hinder your relationship in the long run (Getty Stock Image)
Becoming more distant
If your partner’s attention is clearly somewhere else, emotional withdrawal can hit hard and affect the relationship.
The expert advises to look out for a lack of physical affection, less communication about how they are feeling day-to-day, and a drop in interest in things you used to do together.
Dodging conversations about relationship boundaries
If you try to speak about micro-cheating or things that may be unacceptable in your relationship and they become defensive or dismissive, there could be a reason behind that discomfort.
Miller says changes of subject or vague responses could indicate that they don’t really want to discuss boundaries and would prefer to keep doing what they’re doing.
Getting defensive when you confront them
If they react with guilt or anger when you bring up how they are with others, it could be a sign that they feel threatened, or know that they’re crossing boundaries.
And according to the expert, changes of irritation or refusing to engage in conversation further is a bad sign and could show that they are already micro-cheating.
What to do if you partner shows any of these signs
If you are worried, Miller suggests: “Start by reflecting on your feelings to understand your emotions and concerns. Take some time to process your emotions.”
When you feel ready to talk to your partner about it, the expert advises to use ‘I statements to express how their behaviour affects you’.
She adds: “If you find that discussions don’t lead to a resolution, consider seeking professional help … for guided support.”