If you’re afraid that the spark in your relationship might be fizzling out, fortunately there are ways to fix it.
Experienced couples therapist Natasha Silverman has shared her five secret questions that you should ask your partner if you’re hoping to stay together.
Let’s kick it straight off.
Discuss your future
It’s easy to just assume that both you and your partner want the same thing because you spend every second with them, and well, you just know them better than anyone don’t you?
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work like that and Silverman explains that it’s important to speak to your partner about the future – do you both wants kids, does one of you want to travel the world while the other is content at staying put in their hometown?
“No matter how long you’ve been together, it is important to regularly ask each other what an ideal future looks like. Then discuss how willing – or not – you both are to share each other’s dreams,” Silverman tells Mail Online.
“The key is to focus on how these dreams make you feel, then discuss ways you can enjoy these emotions together. If travel signifies excitement and discovery, can you satisfy these cravings closer to home?
“You need to find the glue that will keep you having fun together for many years to come.”
So, question one is to ask your partner how they feel about the future.
Touchy-subjects
The second question you should ask is to find out what is the hardest thing to talk about.
“Tackling a thorny issue can be powerful,” the therapist explained.
“It forces important discussions which may help clear the air, offer mutual reassurance and set you on a new path of better communication.”
Short and sweet.
List things you like about your partner
“Women often worry they prefer their friends to their husband,” Silverman tells the publication. “But we can become too focused on the negatives in our long-term relationship rather than looking for positives.”
The third question is to ask what you like about one another.
The couples counsellors expert advice is that you should sit down with your spouse, talk about things you like about each other or what you used to like, and talk about how you can reconnect.
Consider making changes
The fourth question is to ask your partner whether there are any changes that you could make that would make the relationship run more smoothly.
Silverman shared: “I think of this as the miracle question. It cuts through all the emotions that might be causing friction.
“It forces couples to consider how realistic one change might be and, if it isn’t possible, how close can you get?”
But when making the request, she urges that lovers should make it into more of a suggestion rather than a blunt ‘do this’.
External help
It might sound drastic, but the last and final question would be to see whether your partner is willing to go to couples therapy to talk your issues over with a counsellor.
“I have a vested interest, but I wish more would do couples therapy,’ explained Silverman. “Midlifers should be like Gen Z about counselling, as it can improve communication and establish healthy relationship habits.
“It’s important to present this as a joint effort, not an attack. Never think of bringing your partner along to be fixed.”
And if you’re asked would you consider going to therapy, Silverman stresses you should not refuse as your partner may lose any hope.
