Gone are the days where you would simply find some lacy underwear in the glovebox of your fella’s car and kick him to the kerb, as just like everything else in life, cheating has evolved with the digital age.
Now, you’ve got to do much more than just pick up on your partner stinking of a scent that isn’t yours, as a host of two-timers are taking a subtler approach to being unfaithful.
But thankfully, this relationship guru is on hand to offer us all some advice on how we can spot the signs of this modern approach to infidelity, which is known as micro-cheating.
Psychotherapist Deborah Krevalin is a renowned relationship expert, therapist, and business coach who specialises in helping couples communicate productively.
Essentially, she’s the woman you go to if you want to talk through the elephant in the room, whether that be regarding your financial struggles, intimacy problems, trust issues or a classic difference of opinion.
The Connecticut-based content creator also regularly shares relationship advice with her more than 155,000 TikTok followers, while also discussing dating trends, new lingo people use to refer to their love life and topics of debate which commonly crop up between couples.
And in one of her videos, Deborah detailed exactly what micro-cheating is while also laying out the signs of it which people should be looking out for.
So, without further ado, let’s get into exactly what this term means, as it’s considered to be quite the ‘grey area’ which can be difficult to identify.
Deborah Krevalin broke down what micro-cheating means (Getty Stock Image)
What is micro-cheating?
According to the relationship expert, micro-cheaters take a much different approach than ‘traditional’ philanderers.
“Traditional cheating is clear cut, the behaviour is disrespectful, dishonest and quite honestly unfair,” Deborah explained.
“With micro-cheating, it’s a little bit more under the radar and subtle.”
Although your other half might not have actually done the dirty on you and rolled around in the sheets with someone else, their behaviour doesn’t exactly equate to that of a loyal partner.
There might not have been any physical acts, but these small actions of betrayal can soon cause your relationship to hit the rocks.
Married at First Sight‘s Mel Schilling also previously explained that a micro-cheater is a ‘person who is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship’.
How do micro-cheaters operate?
They might not see anything wrong with their overly-flirtatious etiquette as they aren’t actually following through with anything physical, but that’s what micro-cheating is all about – pushing the boundaries and forging an intimate relationship with another person which goes way beyond a simple friendship.
For example, these kind of love rats might have a browse through dating apps every now and again, send a few saucy text messages, chat up someone on social media or hide their relationship status.
The psychotherapist explained even though it might not get physical, it’s still a ‘blatant betrayal’ (TikTok/@debkrevalincounseling)
Krevalin said: “It’s text messaging, private conversations using social medias, pictures and messages – but at the end of the day, the intention is the same.
“It is a blatant betrayal.”
What are the signs of micro-cheating?
According to experts, there are a few red flags to look out for which could indicate that you’re significant other is micro-cheating on you.
Psychotherapist Krevalin continued: “If you’re partner is being a little bit secretive, reluctant to hand their phone over, there’s a chance they could be a micro-cheater…just something to think about.”
This is an obvious sign to look out for, as most people have the details of their entire lives on their devices – so if they’re up to no good, there will likely be evidence of it on there.
Relationship boffin Susan Winter also encouraged people to keep an eye out for how their partner interacts with others, and if it makes you feel uncomfortable, she advises you to address the issue head on.
She explained the best way to deal with a potential micro-cheater is by having a diplomatic conversation about your concerns…and we’ll let you lot take it from there.
Reposting this for my new followers. #microcheating #infidelity #relationshipgoals #mentalhealth #couplescounseling #therapy #relationshipexpert #counseling
♬ original sound – Deborah Krevalin, LPC, LMHC
How common is micro-cheating?
Although some people haven’t even heard of micro-cheating, one look at the comment section underneath Krevalin’s TikTok clip will give you a good idea about how prevalent it apparently is these days.
A lot of people seem to be in agreement that technology has made it really easy for people to go behind their partner’s backs, as they could even be at it while they’re sat right next to you.
One social media user said: “He swears that messaging women on Facebook is not cheating because he did not physically do anything.”
Another wrote: “Yup that was my ex-wife. That’s why she’s my ex-wife.”
A third added: “It’s blatant disrespect. Take it from someone who has ‘just messaged [someone who is] just ‘a friend’. Before I knew it, things got out of hand.”
While a fourth chimed in: “There are so many opportunities for people to micro-cheat with social media.”
However, it’s important not to panic and instantly presume your other half is up to no good if they suddenly start acting a bit shifty, as there might be other explanations for their behaviour.
That’s why you’re best of getting all of your concerns out in the open as soon as they crop up – but stay vigilant, people.
